As promised

So I promised a real update on Friday. No, I didn't promise you, I promised someone else! For cryin out loud, it's not all about YOU ok? Well actually, it might have been you I promised. I don't know, since I can't watch who reads this....So as I promised someone who may/may not have been you, I am updating my blog. Enjoy. Disclaimer: The following material may not represent the views of the We-Hate-John-Andrews Society (TM 1746i A.D.). Any resemblance in this material to any persons, living or dead, is a hallucination, since I do not intend to write about anyone living or dead. Possibly undead, we'll see. John does not see this disclaimer because it is in fine print. Inform him of it at your own risk. If you experience nausea, heartburn, freckles, or death, it may already be too late. It wasn't our fault, so go call a doctor. Please don't consult blogs for medical advice.

Ok, so....Guess what! Nope! You're wrong! My topic has nothing to do with koalas! I have a new song I'm working on, but the weirdest part is that I can't figure out what it sounds like in part of it. I know it sounds strange that I would have no idea how part of my song, which I wrote, goes, but it's true! I hear this music playing faintly in my head, and I wish I could find the volume knob to make it louder so I could actually figure out what it sounds like. Twisting my ear only hurts, and twisting my arm only reminds me of countless introductions to the latest "Indian Rug Burn" techniques from first grade. Oddly enough, they were all the same. Good thing I was a real he-man, like every other six year old boy, so it didn't hurt.

Well, so far, there are no jobs. I can't find anyone who will hire someone for just the summer. If I do, there are at least 50 other zombies (why did I say zombies? I meant persons, not living or dead) have already applied, and I get thrown in there, and they still hire those who won't be leaving in September. Everywhere else requires a CDL  or a college degree...which I have to wait another two years for. That or it's a CNA job. I see lots of CNA and similar jobs.  I wish they would stop showing up.

So I attempted to teach a certain person, not living or dead (I have no idea why I keep typing that, but it's against my religion to use a backspace key when typing a blog), who is directly related to me and seven years my junior, how to play guitar. This did not work very well, because this individual claims my guitars are too large for her. Luckily, we had two 3/4 guitars. Unluckily, one had an insane action somewhere around an inch and a half off the fretboard, which made it impossible to play. I could take a reinforcing piece of the nut and improve that, but that didn't help, because the strings just vibrated horribly inside the main nut (which was designed solely for right-handing use), causing an insanely irritating buzzing noise. The second guitar said "First Hawaiian Conservatory of Music" on the head. I believe it. This was probably their very first guitar. And they were probably the First Sandwich Islands Conservatory of Music back then. It probably carries the US patent number 2. I'm serious. I tried to restring the thing, and the pegs disintegrated when I touched them. Scout's honor (does that work for me?). So anyway, four guitars (three and a half) in the house, and none that I can teach this midget how to play. Something about tiny hands and being left-handed. Oh well. Maybe some other day.

I think either Facebook should make their likes send a like to the link of the original source of any content that was posted. Because it's weird when content gets all this attention from an external source, but nothing on the original website from whence it came, to bump up traffic to it on that website itself. It's kinda like if Walmart brand potatoes get super popular at Kmart. Why that would happen, I don't know. But it's weird. i don't even know if that makes sense, but, you know, my religion and backspacing.

Oh well. Tha-th-th-th-that's all folks. ....Yeah..... yup. Gonna click "Publish Post" anytime now.


  1. Jarred has a smaller guitar for kids that may work for Dana. It needs new strings, but I would be happy to let you guys borrow it. I'll be back in early July, so if either of you are interested just let me know and we'll bring it to church :)

  2. If Walmart would stop advertising their potatoes at Kmart so much...wait, what? Why potatoes?

  3. @Jillian Well now she insists mine will work, but i'm not buying it lol. I'll let you know

    @Devin What else would you want to boil, mash, and stick in a stew?